The Final GoodBye

   When you start talking to someone you like to talk, things become very easy, because now you know that you have a person with whom you can share feelings and the bonding becomes stronger with every passing day. 

For the initial few days, our relationship become more stronger. It became a routine to talk to each other few times in a day. Every day was a different topic, she use to share here childhood stories and I use to share my office stuff. But I knew something was bothering her. Whenever I bring the topic of 'us' she always use to change it. So finally one bad day I asked her straight.

Me: Is there anything wrong? Every time I bring a topic of 'Us' you run away from it. You know you can tell me anything. Right?

She: I am very young now and frankly I am focusing more on my future which is currently completing my studies and get a good job to support my mom.

Me: Yes and that's a good plan. I am always in favor of that.

She: But you are not making me strong rather you are making me weak.

Me: Shockingly, weak? how?

She: There is a reason I don't want to bring a topic of 'us' because I know there can't be us. I really don't have any plans for marriage. My mom has struggled a lot to raise me and bring me to this level where my focus is to help her. Though I do talk to you every day and share my feelings with you, at the end of it, I know I can't be with you because I have to be with my mom.

Silence from both ends

Me: I know what you are thinking and I am appreciating what you want to do for your mom. But your mom would also want you to get married eventually right. All parents want they children to have a good life partner. I am not saying that I am the best person for you, but I promise I will make every effort to be the best partner you can ever have.

She: You are not getting the point. I already know that you are a great person and any girl would love to spend her life with you. In the past few months we have been talking gave me an impression about your personality and I an proudly say that I have found a great friend in my life. 

Me: Friend, really, my expectations are to make you my wife so that I can spend my entirely life with you. 

She: But that's what you want and now I have told you what I want. Please let's not drag this topic.

I can be your girlfriend and if you want we can have sex as well, but believe me my first priority is my mom and not myself.

Me: With you it was never about sex, it was always about us. I am sorry but I can't be the person you are expecting me to be and I can't force my intentions on you as well. I seek your forgiveness.

She: why? 

Me: I think what we have is awesome and what we will have would be great. But if there is no future then I can't keep you in my present as well. Every time I see you or talk to you I feel like you are the person I want to have my journey with but if you are not here with me, I would like to take a different path itself.

She: Sachin you are being silly. Are you breaking up with me.

Me: Maybe I am being stupid or silly, but I am always truthful with you. I am not breaking with you, I am stopping myself to become a burden on you.

She: Okay then let's finish it here. I thought we could be friends. 

Me: And I thought we could be life partners, you don't always get what you want.

Long Silence from both ends

   She disconnecting the call after couple of seconds and tear just fell out from my eyes. I may not be perfect but I have no right of pushing a relationship on her and that was the end of IT.

Please do leave a comment if you like this story.. Do wait for other as well.

The Comeback....

It was the month of July and I was surffing Orkut and finding my friends when suddenly I landed on finding Swati's profile. I don't know why google had put a feature of latest visitors in Orkut, she saw my profile in Orkut visitor list and dropped me a friend request which I accepted. Next day I sent her a scrap...
Me: Hi, How are you and mom? Hope I am not disturbing you?
And got a reply next day
She: Hi, I am good and Mom is doing fine. No you are not disturbing me, you never did.
Me: But according to your best friend Eina, I was the most disturbable element of your life.
She: I swear to God I don't know what conversation happened between you and her, and I am kind of angry on you.
Me: I had just sent a mail to your this id, if possible please reply to my questions, so that I can understand the things well.
She: I will.

I was kind of very confuse that what exactly is going on between us? what exactly she had in her mind? I went to the library next day to check my email id for her reply.
Me: Why you told Eina about me?
She: I am sorry about what Eina told you. but you were the one who said that she should know. Sometimes back when she told me about Eina and said that they share everything, I adviced her that Eina should know about me too, otherwise she will feel hurted.

Me: Why you told Eina that you are scared and not me, when I told you in starting that if you feel uncomfortable or disturbed becuase of me, just let me know I will not disturb you?
She: I am sorry but I just kind of told her about you and that you were saying that you will talk to your mom about me and I am not ready for it right now.
She misunderstood me.
Me: Did you ever try to know and understand what I felt when I got to know that you had been disturbed becuase of me?
She: I never knew what she told you. She just told me that you will not message me or call me again.
She: When I sent you a message the very next morning, you told Eina and I was so hurted with that.

Me: Hurted? after Eina scolded me, I never wanted to become the reason of your disturbance again, so I told her.
She: But you never even tried to talk to me or ask me what is wrong?
Me: Neither did you.
Me: Ok, I am sorry. Hows is life now and what about your marriage?
She: Life is great, No marriage, I told mom that I need time, I want to fulfill my dreams first and become something in life before marriage.
Me: Good. By the way you scored good marks in final year too.
She: How do you know?
Me: Don't forget I am a software engineer.
She: yea yea.
"Again the things has started between us and I never know what is going to be happen after this, but whatever it will be I'll face it", I just thought that before going to sleep that day.
To be contd...

The Misunderstanding....

We had a misunderstanding after around twenty days of that proposal incident. But these twenty days were the most wonderful days of my life. Calling her and sending her messages were my high priority tasks. Daily I use to skip from the Office and call her for one or two hours and later continue with the messages. Things were going great, we start knowing each other. She told me that how much she likes the noise of rain and I told her how much I like to be in rain. I told her how much I like kids and their smile, etc. She has started sharing more like sharing the various incidents about her earlier proposals, trip to Goa etc.

It was 1st of May 2008, when we had a misunderstanding. I called her and

Me: Hey Good morning.
She: Hi.
Me: What are you doing?
She: Studying...
Me: What else, how are the exams going?
She: Everything is good, exms are going good.
She: You know what my uncle had brought a proposal for my marriage.
Me: Disappointed, ok then.
She: Nothing. I told Mom that I need time.
Me: Ok.

Actually I become disappointed and scared of losing her. There were lot of questions in my mind, so I said the most studpid thing one could ever say to girl.

Me: I am scared of losing you. I will talk to my mom about you and will request her to talk to your mom. Wait will cal you back.

I didn't call home, rather I took a public transport to go back to my place, I was staying at my friend's place for that night. I thought will go to my placeOn the way, my mind was full of questions whom no one can answer except my destiny, suddently my cell phone ranged, it was an unknown number, I picked the call....

She: Hi.
Me: Hi, who's this?
She: Am I talking to Sachin?
Me: Yes, May I know who's this?
She: Eina, swati's friend.
Me: Hi Eina.
She: Why are you disturbing Swati alot.
Me: What?
She: Why you call her and message her. She don' want to talk to you and you keep disturbing her even in this time when her exms are on.
Me: Hey, I never did that. We are friends and that's why I use to call her and message her.
She: First of all she is not your friend and secondly she don't want to talk to you at all.
She: You know because of you has been so horrified that she is not able to concentrate on her studies.
She: She called me and she was sounding so low. She told me that you want to talk to her mom about marrage, forget it, she don't want to talk to you, marraige no way.
Me: Eina, please try to understand I never had any motive to disturb her, even I asked her before calling her and messaging her.

The things she was saying was hurting me alot inside. My motive was to be with her, not to disturb her and thats why I asked her for the confirmation before calling her and messaging her.
And these things made me so much frustrated and I said.

Me: What do you want from me?
She: You will not call her or message her after this. Promise me.
Me: Ok, I promise I will not call her or message her untill I got one from her.
She: Ok, thanks. Stay away from her.
Me: I will, if she wants.

The whole day I was thinking what went wrong, was she just talking to me because I am her friend's brother or she too consider me as a friend. The Devil in was saying, boy you have been fucked up. This is the end of your love story, but the angel in me was saying boy there has been a misunderstanding, it will be cleared soon. That night was horrable but any how I passed it. In the morning, I got a message from Swati. It was a usual message saying don't keep distance with your loved ones. I called Eina
Me: Hi.
She: Hey.
Me: I got a message from her now, you were saying I am disturbing her then what is this.
She: Don't reply back, I will check with her.

I was waiting for Eina's call, when my message tone rang again, it was from swati.

"Hi, the message was by mistake, sorry to disturb you, promise from my heart that will never message you and disturb you"

"Thats all, this message confirms end of my love story", this was my conclusion, but many times our conclusion is wrong, God is always present to make you smile when you are crying and make you cry when you are happy, maintaining the balance of the nature....

To be contd....

The Proposal Continued....

Me: Hi, its me Sachin.
She: Hey, I know its you. I have your number.
Me: Ok, then why didn't you replied to my message, you always reply to my messages.
She: Sorry, Mom was around that time and later it skipped out of my mind.
Me: dissappointed
Me: Ok, so how's life?
She: I am good and life is going through hell, exams are knocking at the door.
Me: Its ok, I know you will give your best in that.
She: Hope so.
Me: You know why I called you?
She: Yes.
Me: Then?
She: Then, nothing I already told Vasu my answer.
Me: That was expected, I am agree with you on this.
Me: But I just wanted to know, will you accept me as your Husband. I mean if you have anybody else in your life, you can tell me that now, I will backout from here and will never disturb you again.
She: Its not like that, I don't have anybody in my life and frankly speaking, I don't want anybody else in my life except my husband.
Me: If that is the case then I am pretty cool with this. I don't have any problem to talk to any of your family member about this, unless you are agree and ready for this.
She: Actually can't answer you on any of your question right now, I am not ready for marriage now?
Me: I know, I mean this was just my concern that's why I told you what I am feeling, neither of us are ready now, it will take pretty good time, atleast 4 years for me, till then let's be friends and share the feelings and emotions.
She: Yes, agreed.
Me: I know its pretty rude and unfair to talk on this important matter like this, but believe me wanted to do it in different way then this.
She: Its ok, atleast you don't hide your intentions in yourself and that is what matters most.
She: You know I am a bit angry with you on something.
Me: Shocked! angry on what?
She: Why did you told Vasu to ask me that you can call me or not. I believed we are friends.
Me: Its not like that, my problem is I don't want people to become uncomfortable because of me. When you didn't replied to my message I thought there may be some problem, so lets confirm and then proceed.
She: Whatever, but that thing hurt me a little.
Me: I'm sorry for that.
She: Now, if you want to call me any time you can call, but preferably after 9 a.m to 1.30 p.m. that time I can talk to you comfortably because mom will be at school at that time and you can message me any time and if I don't reply just think that I am busy and will reply back a little later.
Me: Ok.
Me: Thanks.
She: Hey please remember no thanks no sorry.
Me: Ok.
Me: Bbye... take care of yourself and mom.
She: I will, you too please take care of yourself.

To be contd.....

The Proposal

Finally I am going home after long and hectic five months. How shall I approach her and tell the all the things? shall I approach her or not? what will she think about me? Whatever let it be I will tell her everything and then let her decide my future.

Although this was my plan but I never got the opportunity to execute this. I did called her once but unfortunately she didn't pick my call. Those 15 days went past so early that I didn't get the time to sit with my parents properely, but they all were happy that I came home. Before leaving for Pune, I called my cousin (Ruchi).

Me: Hi beautiful.
She: Hi Handsome.
Me: Hey listen, I told you about your friend Swati.
She: Yea.
Me: You have to give me a favor.
She: Ok tell me.
Me: You have to tell her that I really like her and I am interested in marrying her.
She: What?
Me: Yes, do I need to repeat that again.
She: No no bhaiya, I can't do that, she will kill me.
Me: No she'll not.
Me: Beta you have to do this for your bro.
She: Bhaiya I can try, but can't promise anything.
Me: Ok, just try and if she says anything, don't discuss and yea one more thing.
She: Now what?
Me: Ask her whether I can call her or not.
She: Ok, but bro you are putting me in deep trouble.
Me: Don't worry I will not create any trouble for you, if she says anything else just don't discuss further.
She: Ok.
She: You please take care of yourself and don't take much tension about her, I will take care of the things here.
Me: Thanks sis.
She: Anytime bro.

I started my journey back home in the last week of March. Three days journey in a train, that was terrible. As soon as I reached Pune back my curiosity to call my cousin start increasing. But anyhow I kept myself controlled till evening.

Me: Hi Beautiful.
She: Hey Handsome.
She: How are you and how was the journey?
Me: I am pretty good and journey was hectic like always.
She: Ok, so tel me how's life?
Me: You know why I called you thats why you are playing with me and trying to tease me.
She: May be.
Me: Come'on beta tell me what she said.
She: As expected........ she said she will marry her wherever her mom will say.
Me: Ok. that's sounds fine.
She: And yes you can call her anytime you want, she said she don't know why you asked like this, she said she believes that you and she are friends.
Me: Thanks beta, you solved all my confusions.
She: Solved! I believe it will start now, hehehe. Never forget that sentence, "A girl is a mystery".

I called her next evening, that day I really understood it needs a hell lot of courage to talk to a girl if you are really interested in her. I collected all my courage and gave her a call, but in only two rings I cut it (kind of mis-cal to be precise). I said to myself,"Dude what are you doing, she will not do anything, she will not kill you through cell phone". I re-collected all my courage and redial the number and this time some one picked the call.....

To be contd.....

The Bonding

Its needless to say how I joined my company and how were the initial days in it, but everyday that beautiful smile comes in my mind and take me in her thoughts. I called her once from Chennai to give her my temporary number and frankly speaking to hear her voice.

Me: Hello.

She: Hello, who's this?

Me: Sachin, hope you still remember me.

She: Yea I do. how are you? how is life?

Me: I am good. Life is going good.

She: Ok, I supposed you will drop me your number as soon as you will get a new number in Chennai.

Me: Was busy with the training schedule.

She: Ok.

Me: by the way this is my temporary number in Chennai, I am going to Pune from here, will update you with me pune number as soon as I will get one.

She: Ok.

Me: How is mom?

She: She is good.

Me: Are you attending the C++ session from Mr Sharma.

She: No, my college timing is colliding with the sessions so I left it.

Me: Ok. What about studies? how is it going?

She: Studies are going good, am working on the project.

Me: Ok good.

Me: Ok then will call you later, take care of yourself and mom, bbye.

Soon our training finished in Chennai and we left Chennai heading towards our destinations, mine is Pune. We hit Pune in the month of December. I took a new number in Pune and messaged her.

"Hi, this is my new number in pune, please update it and be in touch with me, Thanks sachin".

Surprisingly, I didn't get any reply of my message, any incident like this raises hell lot of questions in one's mind. Is she ok? why didn't she replied? may be she is busy? May be she don't want to talk to me? Am I annoying her? Why shall I bother? Is her mom fine?

There is only solution to all these questions and that is by asking her. I thought I am gonig to visit my home town in March, why not meet her and tell her everything, whatever I feel and think about her (that is, I like her very much and want to marry her). There will be only one answer to this question either Yes or No, again I am leaving everything on my destiny. Let's hope for the best.

First Call

Time has given me the answers of all my questions. My call letter was in my hands and I had to report to Chennai within 20 days and today is our last lecture. This mean I get the job but I have to leave the place where I may have the I collected all my courage and asked her mobile number.

Me: Hi, How are you?
She: am good.
Me: Do you mind if I ask you for your mobile number.
She: Smile, You will get it.
She definitely don't want to share her number with me. May be she doesn't want me in her life.
Me: Today is our last day here and after that I am going to Chennai, my joining location is Chennai.
She: I know that.
Me: Confused!
How does she know everything.

The lecture finished at the usual time and all the students left except me. I was sitting there with Mr Sharma, because I never got the opportunity to say Thanks to him for two reasons.
1. Because of him I was able to crack the Wipro Entrance Test.
2. Indirectly because of him I met the most beautiful girl.

The packing was on. My family was helping me to collect all the necessary things, relatives were coming daily to appriciate me and give some guidelines. In all these things, I got a message from an unknown number and it says
"Hi, this is the number you asked for. Please keep in touch. take care, have a safe journey"

It was full of joy moment for me, she too wanted to be in touch with me. I was wrong that time, I replied on the same number.
"Thanks, will not ask you from where you got my number. Will keep in touch, thanks again".

Soon the day came, when I need to board the train for my destination. My Dad came along with me. All my close relatives came till the railway station to say good bye to me. I was sitting with my friends inside the train, the train still had time to leave the station. My heart was saying call her dude, you don't know when after this you will get opportunity to talk to her, but my brain was saying no, its not the right time to call her, but obviously in situations like these you always listen to your heart.

Me: Hello.
She: Hello.
Me: Its me, can we talk for few minutes.
She: I know, yes we can.
Me: Was about to leave for Chennai, so called you.
She: hhhmm.
Me: How are you and mom?
She: am good.
Me: Ok, I will call you later. Just take care of yourself and your mom.
She: I will.
She: You too take care of yourself, hope we will meet again.
Now what does this mean here.

The train left from Jammu with lot of thoughts and memories in me, which were good enough that make me laugh when I am crying and bad enough to make me cry when I am laughing.....

To be contd....